We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
