I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
