Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
