Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
