I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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