just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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