The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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