So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
