3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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