I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
