at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
