My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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