after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
