I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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