Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
