So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
