New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
