hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
