I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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