Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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