Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
