I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
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I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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