Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
