WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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