We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want a musical about memes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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