Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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