I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
