My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
