You're my little dorito
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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