It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you traded sex for a burrito?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
