if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
