I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
