if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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