I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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