My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
