Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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