i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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