So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
