New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
foreskin is a definite game changer
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
