His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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