there's paper in my vomit.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would fuck him just for his dog
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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