We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
