i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
