She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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