It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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