I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
