I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My feet surprised me
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