yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
