if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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