Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
