It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
