worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
