she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
