At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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