i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
