I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
