Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
