so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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