Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
