im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
