So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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