my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
