Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
