I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she peed on how many people?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
