i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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