no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
