You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
