She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hippo gnu deer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
