So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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