youre lurking in front of me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
