Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
