so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
