I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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