We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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