3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
