Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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