Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize