One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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