I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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