So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
