The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
