I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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