Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
