Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
