I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize