He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize