Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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