we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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