found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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