where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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